Fear

Music.  Y'all, I'm either obsessed or addicted to music, and unashamed of it as well.  Music can hit me where other ways of communication really can't.  I could listen to the same song 1,000 times and still love it.  ("Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman, and "Fireflies" by Owl City are those songs)  Anyway, if I come up with a topic based off a song, please know I'm trying here.  I'm really trying.  But if I don't listen to good music, or sing, or play my uke or keyboard at some point during my day, I go to bed feeling like something is missing.  It's just how I am.  (I'm also relatively good at finding the beat in a song and knowing if an instrument is un-tuned.  Please, if you have an instrument that is currently un-tuned, go tune it!)
Yes, I realize none of that has anything to do with my topic of fear.  I'm getting there.
I've been struggling a lot lately with fear.  I have the (oh, so wonderful) coping mechanism of hiding.  You know how when you want to ignore something, you go do something to forget about it?  I do that all the time.  I hide in books.  Which is totally not healthy at all, and actually hurts me.  But I've finally figured this out, and I'm working on it.
Fear is really not cool.  At all.  It ranges from the healthy fear that guys have of your father, to crippling terror that you have of whatever your biggest nightmare is.  The hard part about fear, is that it can hit you at literally any time.  I have fallen apart under fear at the most random times.  Such as singing with about 100 other people in youth group.  I know, it makes no sense.  But this wave of fear hit me.  I could almost tangibly feel it coming, and started praying immediately to be saved from it.  Luckily, two of my good friends saw that I was crying, and one of them started to pray for me too.  And then the peace and love flooded in, washing away my fear.
You guys, God isn't the one behind fear.  Satan is.  He's the one behind your nightmares.  God isn't asking you to walk through your fear alone.  He knows we can't do it.  And he reminds us regularly.  He reminds me with my friend kindly looking up verses to help me combat it.  He reminds me with the song my mom happens to be playing on her guitar.  One of my favorite songs about fear is: Breakup Song by Francesca Battistelli.  It's awesome.  It's worth going on YouTube or iTunes or Spotify or Pandora or whatever, and listening to it.  The lyrics go something like this:

Fear, you don't own me
There ain't no room in this story
And I ain't got time for you
Telling me what I'm not
Like you know me well guess what?
I know who I am
I know I'm strong
And I am free
Got my own identity
So fear, you will never be welcome here

It's so powerful and a great reminder to me.  I love it.  And you know what?  It's biblical, too!
So, who else needs to be free of fear today?

For God gave us not a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  

-2 Timothy 1:7

-Ali

On Christ The Solid Rock I Stand . . .

A month or so ago, I was talking to my fearless mentor, and she asked me a question I hope to never hear again.

"Ali, is your identity in Christ, or in being an MK?"

This question hit like a ton of bricks and about knocked my socks off.  Or, well, flip-flops, anyway. :P
She went on to explain why she was worried about me and said she was praying.

When I got home, her question kept playing over and over in my mind.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right.  My identity hadn't been is Christ.  Not really.  It was in my label of "MK from some West African country somewhere".  That rock was so easily shaken.

As a direct result of that conversation, I rededicated myself to God, placing myself firmly on his rock, and ended up getting baptized a few weeks later.  Which actually rocked a few of my friend's worlds, because they'd been convinced I was baptized all ready.

I haven't thanked my wonderful mentor for asking me such a difficult question.  I really need to.  She was amazing.*
And now to turn the tables on you:
Where is your identity?  Are you, like me, standing on the unstable stone of your awesome MK-ness?  Or maybe your standing on being an athlete.  Or a good student, or even a class clown.  (For those not homeschooled, that is!)  Are you standing firmly where you should be, on Christ?

I know not everyone will have an identity crisis about these questions.  But seriously, please check yourself out on this.  Examine yourself.  It will be worth it, I promise.

For anyone struggling with identity, I promise you are not alone.  I lose sight of mine regularly, and just give up fighting for my worth.  Which is so the wrong way to go.

I know that I may not know you personally.  I don't know what your opinion on the whole "go barefoot or don't go barefoot" issue is.  I don't know what you struggle with the most.*  However, I do know this.

• You are beloved.  (Deuteronomy 33:12)
• You are precious.  (Isaiah 43:4)
• You are enough.  (Psalm 139:14)
• You are never, ever alone.  (Isaiah 43:2)
• You are the daughter of an almighty God and King (Romans 8:14-15)

Believe me in this, if you are standing on Christ, you are hugely blessed.  Because girlie, all those girls who don't have God as their father don't get to enjoy all of His love like you do.  He is my Good, Excellent Father.  Is he yours?

-Ali

God is Good!

Have you ever participated in a VBS (vacation bible school) or some sort of kids-camp program at church?  Or maybe something your mission puts on for you?  Have you ever helped out in either of these functions?  Because if you have, then I have something to tell you.

What you are teaching your students, isn't just for them.  It's for you too.

This past summer I helped out in a VBS at my old home church in AZ.  It was Africa-themed, which was super exciting, and I had a blast.  I was on the worship team, and had spent a month and a half before it actually started learning all of the motions backwards.  (left-hand dominant)  When the big week came, it was one of the most insane, hilarious, fun, crazy, impactful, exhausting and enjoyable weeks of our entire furlough.  Every day had a different theme.  Such as:

• When life is unfair . . . God is Good!
• When life is scary . . . God is Good!
• When life changes . . . God is Good!
• When life is sad . . . God is Good!
• When life is good . . . God is Good!

There was a lot of things going on while I was helping out.  One day my helper didn't show up, and my row of 12 kids had no one to keep an eye on them while I was onstage leading worship.  This was not at all nerve-wracking.  (yes, I was being sarcastic there.  I was freaking out.  One of the othe leaders kept an eye on them for me)  One of my fellow worship team members was also with my group of kids, and she had two of the naughtiest boys.  Their mom blamed it all on her, and she fell apart one of the days.  I was bummed part of it because it was the last time I'd see most of the kids at that church for three years.  Through it all, God was Good.  He still is!  All the leaders kept marveling over and over how what we were teaching was supposed to be for the kids, but was hitting us just as hard if not harder than them.  Oh, it was cheesy.  It was goofy.  But for every single one of those topics I have a story to go with it about how God was still Good.  That's just how it works.  And I had one of those truths come back to me the other day.
I was running on nerves, (still am just a tad) and "When life is scary . . . God is Good!" popped into my head.  I laughed, and I lost my nervousness for a minute.  Even when life is scary, God is still Good!  He's still with me, he still cares.  Guys, that week God slapped me upside the head every.  Single.  Day.  Still does.
So, my point is: pay attention.  Whether its that story you are sharing in sunday school you've heard a million times, the cheesy song about not being afraid, or a goofy skit about Jesus saving you.  They get stuck in your brain, and they will show up again when you need them.  That's just how it works.
I'll never forget trying to get a little boy to laugh by calling him "Marge-lous."  (marvelous.  Marge was one of our characters that week)  I won't forget hugging my friend on the corner of a stage, while she cried because a mom blamed her for her boys bad behavior.  I'm never going to forget holding a fan so Mr. Balloon will get whipped around by life's changes.  😋 (yes, our demonstration that day was really that cheesy)  I'll never forget laughing with a friend because she was nervous about talking to the guy she had a crush on.
All of these things happened in one week.  They are some of my greatest memories of that church.  And they are each demonstrations of the idea that no matter what happens in our lives, God is still Good.  Hold on to that truth, darling!

-Ali

Powerful Prayers

Please, someone comment and tell me you are also having a crazy first few weeks of school?  I'm trying to remember I'm not the only one, but all the people around me seem to have it all together, plus none of them are making the jump from homeschooling to private/mission schooling in 10th grade!  Oh, and I have a 'crazy' work ethic, compared to the rest of the kids in my grade!*
Ok, I'm done complaining, sorry.  I'm tired and trying to focus and not die doing inequalities in Algebra 2 and electricity in Science.  (grades don't lie, I don't understand this stuff!)

What I was going to talk about, *cough, cough* is that I was reminded last weekend about the power of prayer.  It kinda woke me back up to the realities and I'm being more vigilant again.

Truth: Prayer is Powerful!  God listens, so pray!

Lie: Prayer does nothing, you don't need to pray!

I just got the chance to be involved in a very cool ministry that I'm super excited about some of my teachers run at school.  It is an evangelism ministry, and both teachers emphasized prayer heavily.  Cause our prayers have power.  

True Story: My allergies were killing me all weekend, even after I took medicine for them.  I really didn't want to take Benadryl to handle it.  I hate the way it makes me feel, and I pretty much become a zombie and not coherent and I really needed to not be a zombie.   So at the end of the evening, I told the group, and we all prayed about it.  I took a Benadryl and went to bed.  The next morning, no allergies.  At all.  I've actually been fine all week, too.  

Prayer is so important!

No way am I going to tell you how to pray.  But I generally do a couple of things when I pray.

1. I send up "text message" prayers.  Basically, prayers that are phrases, or short sentences.  Like, "God, help this person"  "God, I need help on this test."  "God, thanks for this person's kindness." etc.
2.  I make a list.  Name of the person, date, and request.  Then if someone asks me to pray, I have a record of it, so I can check back and pray for them, and then when it's answered I check it off.  Which is a really good reminder that God listens, actually.
3. I get on my knees, or sit on my bed and just chat with God or Jesus.  I tell them what happened today, what I'm frustrated about, what I need help with, my worries about my friends, what I'm thankful for, (namely chocolate, good grades, good books, a good writing day) which boys are bugging me or I'm crushing on . . . 😋  

My last approach is work.  I'd recommend shutting your bedroom door, or hiding in your closet, or maybe even your bathroom, if that's the only place you can be alone with no one listening, and just spilling your guts.  Which is pretty hard to do verbally.  Sometimes I write out my prayers, because writing comes easily to me.  But set yourself a timer, even, maybe just for five minutes, and ya, talk about whatever you want.  

Some ideas for those who don't know where to get started:

• Tell God about the things you are passionate about.  
• Sports, writing, taht really good book your reading right now!, that video game your into, the song you are trying to master
• Tell Him about the things that bug you
• Those pesky younger siblings who don't give you space, (haha!) not making a team, the unfair teacher, the homework you cannot possibly understand
• Tell Him about how great He is
• God is worthy of our praise.  He just is.  He's our Father, he's the Lord of Lords, King of Kings, (both of which are above Presidents and Prime Ministers, btw) Creator, and the list goes on.  God has some many descriptors in the bible, it's insane.  
• Open the Psalms.  
• David was so honest about his feelings.  And I mean all of them.  He dumped his guts, and God heard him.  Take the Psalms, and reword them so they fit your situation.  Or write your own!  Psalms are pretty much gut-spills of the Psalmist.  It's awesome.

Jesus tells us to pray so many times.  Look it up, I dare you.  It's all over the New Testament.  It's a command, a weapon, a communication device, and it's better than the newest iPhone, because the other side is always open, never busy, the communication never dies.   Plus, prayer is two ways.  

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people.

-Ephesians 6:18

*For any who pay attention, myself not included, I am a person who does the homework as I get it, regardless of the due date.  Not everyone in my grade has this same opinion of homework, I am sorry to say!  We're a class of procrastinators!  :P

-Ali

The Body of Christ

So, I’ve officially started 10^th grade, y’all. At a christian private school here in Cameroon. (RFIS, Yaounde, Cameroon) I had a bit of a rough start, but I’m getting the hang of it, thankfully. Recently in English, my teacher gave us an assignment that I appreciated a lot. So, I am in turn giving you this assignment. Just try it, if you have like 20 minutes. If you have even longer, do it with a friend. Or two. Or your family. Or (if y’all have been paying attention) your bible study group. So:

• Read 1 Corinthians 12:4-6 and 1 Corinthians 12:12-26. (Even better, get someone else to read them to you really slowly)
• Make a list of all the attributes of the Body of Christ that caught your eye or you liked. (The next step is if you do this with someone else or a group, if you aren’t, skip it and keep going)
• Combine your list with your friend’s, family members or fellow bible study member. Get rid of repeated characteristics. (By this I mean keep one copy of it, the one that makes the most sense/the most concise, but erase the others) Then make a new list of all the characteristics that are left.
• Read your list. It’s pretty impressive, huh? What if we lived like that? We respected those who were weaker than us in certain areas, because we know they have other functions than us. We rejoiced with the people who were honored and suffered with those who are suffering.
• Now, take two items off your list and write two principles/disciplines/rules that you are going to follow in how you relate to other people. Then actually do it!

When I did this assignment, I was blown away. I feel very weak in many areas, (particularly sports and anything athletic) and knowing that the weak are still to be treated with care and respect, not to mention that we all have different functions . . . that was amazing! No matter how hard I try, if I’m an eye I can’t just quit being an eye and be a foot. Just not possible. It was an excellent reminder to me. Because I also realized all my friends who are awesome at sports can’t write stories. Or maybe they can, it just doesn’t come naturally to them. And I can’t treat them differently because they are arms and I’m an ear. It just doesn’t work that way. We’re all equal. We’re one body under Christ at the head.

For we are all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body – whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free – and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

-1 Corinthians 12:13-14

-Ali

Coffee or Tea?

So, recently, my family came back to Cameroon, and it was a bit of an abrupt shift from me, because I had been in the middle of a really great bible study in Arizona which had been really encouraging.

I slowly figured out which girls were going to be in town with me for the summer as well as at school with me next year.  (there's like five of us or so)  I asked around to see if anyone was interested in a bible study.  I got an enthusiastic yes, two sures and a maybe.  Encouraged, I went to my mom, and we figured out that I could have it that week.  

Unsure as to what to expect, the five of us hung out in my room talking about the book of Ruth for an hour and a half!  We even went farther than I had expected.  I was so excited.  

Girls, (ok, this is awkward.  Y'all are definitely not guys, but gals sounds weird and so does girls . . . maybe girlies?   Comment and let me know what your opinion is!)  Bible studies are awesome!  Well, good bible studies are awesome.  Bible studies geared toward the bible are awesome.  

In AZ my bible study was at Starbucks.  Ten or so of us, (sometimes it was four) would meet there and drink coffee, tea, or smoothie, and talk about God's word and what stuck out to us that week.  

Here in Cameroon, my bible study is in my bedroom, while some of us are on my floor, bed, or a convenient couch.  We laugh and giggle, and learn.  

These groups are both huge blessings, even though I fill different roles.  Because in those groups I know I have friends.  Friends who will pray for me.  Friends who will laugh with and at me!  😋😉  Friends who actually want to know what's going on in my life and are serious about God's word.  Friends who want to grow and learn with me so we can all journey together.  Those are friends worth having.

So, new challenge:

No matter where you are, start (or join) a bible study!

It will be so worth it!   Whether its with nationals, fellow MKs, girls older than you, a year or two younger than you, all of the above, it will richly bless you.  Even if it's just with your mom!

Cause in a bible study, everyone is there to learn.  No one is going to goof off.  The girls who are serious about God will be there, and that is where growth happens!

-Ali

P.S. I know Starbucks is great, but really, bedrooms are better!

Find Your Voice

She opens her mouth, and immediately the atmosphere in the room shifts.  Eyes shift and glaze over, girls glance at each other, phones are pulled out, and someone even starts adjusting the sleeve of their shirt.  She glances around the circle of her small group, hoping for some support, from someone, anyone.  But all eyes are elsewhere, and she sighs, mumbles "Never mind," and shuts down, burying her thoughts inside of her with more fuel to the lie that says "No one cares.  You aren't worth being friends with.  No one listens to you, no matter what you say.  You're too different and awkward for anyone to like you."
Sound familiar?  Maybe not as brutal, but I think we've all been ignored by the people who should be the ones most likely to listen.  Maybe this is your family, friends, or people at your church.  Either way, they are drowning, cutting off, or ignoring your voice.  You have priceless information to share with the rest of the world.  So find an outlet.  Are you good at writing? Start a blog, and share the address with your friends.  How about music?  Teach them songs from your country in the dialect!  Or maybe you like making movies?  Make a movie highlighting what your passionate about!
People will still ignore you, because, let's face it, most teenagers from the US have nowhere to store any information we tell them.  (Including that humorous story about how you caught a ride to a youth retreat with a farmer taking his goats to market.  Or the one where your buddy was given a toothpaste-Oreo after living overseas for three years and thinking it was just as good as a normal one)   They have no hook to hang the information on, so they disregard it.  There are ways to work around that, it is just time-consuming, and it'll take some effort.
Also, check with your parents and leaders at church.  They may have some ideas for sharing your experiences.  Maybe you could have a night to just share stories with other kids.  (Offer food.  You'd be surprised how many people come because of food.  😉)  Or ask them to pray for one person that you can share your story with.  Just one.  Because we all want to be heard.  And when just one person listens, it means a lot.  That person won't change everyone, but it helps the situation a lot.  One person sharing your interests, listening to you talk about how much you miss your friends, laughing at your corny jokes, goofing off with you, and giving you that silent support next time you open your mouth makes all the difference.
So, what to do now?  Pray.  Pray you get that one person, pray for ideas on how to get your message across, pray for courage and determination to carry it through.

News flash: None of this is easy!  It is really hard and discouraging!  

But I promise it's worth it.  It really is.  In the meantime, I'm here.  I'm willing to try and give you suggestions, pray for you, and be that silent support.  'Cause knowing there's a person behind you, supporting you, is wonderful.

-Ali