Apology/Lessons from the Fire

Y'all, I feel really bad.  I've kinda of dropped off the face of the earth for the last couple of months, and I'm really sorry about that.  School blindsided me with multiple projects, and I had some issues with God and a bit of depression too.  It was rough, but I'm standing and strong once more.
That said, I did learn some things in the last couple months, and that's what I'd like to do this post about.

1) You are not alone.
"Now wait a minute, Ali.  I'm alone right now!  I was alone an hour ago when that news about my friend getting in an accident came in.  And what about six months ago when my best friend more or less ditched me?  What about that?"
Those are valid concerns, and I understand.  I really do.  There will be times when you feel alone.  But see the thing is, you can feel alone in the middle of a crowd.  Your feelings, while valid, are very fickle beasts.  Especially when it's that time of month and you're running on fumes.  I get it.  But even then, you're not alone.  You have a Father above who is watching over you, who loves you, and will never leave you.  (Psalm 121)  He's always there.  Sometimes, if we don't see him, we just have to ask.
I was in a pretty dangerous, horrible situation a couple of years ago with some friends.  It really shook me up and left some pretty deep scars.  One night in bed, unable to fall asleep because of nightmares about the event, I asked God where he was when such a terrible thing was going down.  I watched the memory play through my mind, and there he was.  Standing as a shield between me and the danger.  Preventing it from following me when I ran.
He's always there, girlie.  Just ask him where.

2) It's ok to struggle.
One of the lies I struggle with the most is: "You're not ________ enough."  Fill in the blank with whatever fits in your life.  For me it's: "You're not athletic/smart/funny/charismatic/energetic/positive enough."  Occasionally the "You can't write a full-length novel.  What do you think you're doing?" (Ya, that last one's beat.  The full-length novel has been written and is sitting waiting to be edited right now.)
This lie cuts me to the core, because I'm a people-pleaser.  I want to show other people what they want to see, be it the responsible, eldest daughter/student, the happy friend, the student who is adjusting just fine, the elder sister who has it all together, etc.  Admitting when I'm struggle is very hard for me.  (I'm working on it)  That said, I have come to realize in the last four-ish months (kudos to a very persistent friend) that I can lean on other people.
My teacher saw me halfway through a particularly difficult Wednesday and asked me how I was doing.  I summoned up a smile and said "I'm fine."  She hugged me and said something that's changed my outlook on life.  "It's ok to struggle, Ali. You just have to be working through it."
She's right, you know.  I don't know what you're struggling with right now, but it's ok to be struggling.  Struggle is kind of a fact of life.  All the 'Biblical heroes' did.  But don't do it alone.  Go to God with your struggle and ask him for help.  He's overcome the world.  He can take your struggles, too.  I promise.
The thing about struggles are that they unfortunately don't just disappear.  They kind of just go dormant until they get too big to hide anymore and rear their ugly bulbous heads again.  It's annoying.  Thankfully, God doesn't get tired of helping you through an issue.  Unlike people, he won't judge you if it's your first time dealing with something, or your two hundredth.
So, girlie, ask him for help in overcoming your struggles.

3) Music, Books and Movies have power.
This could be pretty obvious to some people, but it was a bit of an epiphany for me to learn.  I love my music.  Books I inhale on an average of three or four a week.  In fact, if I'm not reading at that rate, something is wrong.  Or I'm reading War and Peace.  Movies are something I indulge in occasionally.  The written, spoken, and acted word is very powerful.  It stays with you.  The kind of books you read reflects, whether you realize it or not.  Reading crude language or books with sketchy characters/scenes can make those things fill your mind until you can't stop thinking about them . . . and it messes with your mood.  Same with music.  Often really catchy music has some pretty bad lyrics, if you pay attention to them.  Movies are the same way.  What may appear to be harmless can play with your emotions if you let it.  So be careful what you listen to, watch, and read.  Be vigilant about what you fill your mind with!  (Philippians 4:8)

and last, but not necessarily least:
4) Pay Attention!
God works in powerful ways, my friend.  He really does!  Pay attention to the things He's showing you, telling you, and convicting you of.  I've noticed Him telling me a lot of things lately, that I had to look for.  Important things, like the Great Commission.  Where He's been the last few months while I've been scared and hurting.  My mission orders.  That tiny detail that He loves me so much He's willing to die for me . . . oh, and He conquered death so I could live with Him eternally.  No, I haven't heard His voice in an earthquake, burning bush, thunderstorm or a sea parting.  It's quiet.  An image here, a memory there, a feeling of warmth spreading over me when I find a passage in scripture that sets me on fire for Him.  It's quiet.  Subtle.  Messages that could be lost if you weren't focusing on Him.  So pay attention!  Think of it like a treasure hunt of all the little messages that God wants to tell you.

Thanks for bearing with me through my ramblings and I'm soo sorry that I got so very behind and forgot to update.

~Ali